exploring the details (and trying to be kind)

I stand in your front yard…

judging the way you act toward your spouse.

judging the way you parent your children.

judging the way you use your time.

judging the way you use your money.

telling others about the bad things you do.

I stand in your front yard…

wishing I hadn’t.

I’ve been coaching recreational kid’s soccer for about 10 years. For the last 5 years or so, I’ve had a couple teams each season. I still make my share of mistakes (attitude mistakes and coaching errors) but I’ve got some thoughts for parents of kids under the age of 16 (this is for rec ball). It might work for parents of older kids but I don’t have personal experience with that yet. I’m guessing these might apply to other sports too.

During the game… 

1. Say nothing unless it’s completely positive. Your players don’t need remarks of disappointment while they’re working. “What are you doooooing, Bobby?” is not positive.
2. Let the coach guide the players. In the heat of the match, a kid is going to have a tough time figuring out who to listen to (and it’s not you).
3. Remember you chose the recreational league because your player probably isn’t the next Beckham (or you didn’t want to invest all that time and money). S/he might be, but then you’d be in a travel or an advanced league and this advice wouldn’t be for you (although if you’re in a travel league, feel free to ratchet back your anger and intensity if you feel it coming on… it’s not a great example to set and it fuels the bad attitudes and sportsmanship we’re increasingly seeing on the fields).
4. Enjoy that your child is trying, competing, and getting a solid workout.

After the game… Reinforce the importance of effort and acknowledge any bright spots. If there were any bad attitude moments (for your player), ask if they think they could have done anything better during the game and then listen without giving advice. If you had any bad attitude moments, apologize (it sets a good example).

If you’re a new rec coach (or a coach who hasn’t had a great deal of success – define that how you’d like) and you’re interested, here’s what’s worked for me…

Read more

Imagine the world without ego.

More kindness. Less pain. More done.

Here’s how.

You’ll feel better (and so will the people around you). Get the sign here.

It’s our play on this.

“I profoundly believe that the power of food has a primal place in our homes that binds us to the best bits of life.”

Jaime Oliver
English chef

A great 20 minutes from Jaime Oliver at TED this year (probably a good one for your kids to watch too – 12 and up).

I completely love the accent. It’s brilliant. Isn’t it?

Speaking of dining… Can I give you 3 ideas that have had a great impact in our house?