We’re deep in the middle of parenting (although on the grand timeline, it’s probably still the beginning as Robard points out in this clip from Parenthood) and a blow out the weekend before last had us thinking (again)…

What can we do to make things better?

This is what we came up with…

• We can model the behavior we hope our kids will model.
• We can give them unscripted thoughtful responses to challenges (instead of knee jerk scripted ‘because our grandparents told our parents because I said so’ responses).
• We can pepper it with a limited amount direction (mostly safety issues… probably ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ reminders, too) so they learn resourcefulness and resilience (rather than entitlement and an inability to recover).

That first point is probably 90% of it (and the hairiest).

The Spaniard and I can be ego-driven hot heads at times (mostly me) and we think that’s probably the biggest thing that gets in the way of our efforts. So…

For 90 days, we’ve committed to No Ego Parenting.

It’s been about 10 days and seems to be having a positive impact (less stress, everyone appears happier and a little kinder). The biggest challenge so far is sticking to the ‘no ego’ in how we talk (softer spoken, less edge, no interrupting because we want resolution faster, less direction because we know what’s right because that’s the way it’s always been done and I don’t have time to wait for you to figure it out because I’m in a rush to get somewhere so I can be busy and in a rush to get to the next place).

Our accountability check… If one of us catches the other crossing what seems to be the ego line (even slightly), the other is allowed to say “Put your hands up” and the ego line crosser has to put both hands up immediately (reaching into the sky) and say “Put your hands up” in the same high-pitched voice as Amy Poehler’s Michael Jackson imitation below (try to have an ego when you’re doing that).

The kids have already put this into the family vernacular as a way to communicate someone’s doing something wrong.

I can tell you that the past 10 days have been better but it’s not easy. Which is okay, of course. We’re trying to improve things.